Thoughts on Friendship and Fraternity

Friendship is fickle thing, it seems. I hung out with a friend this weekend and she couldn't get a hold of any of her friends. So we hung out with one of mine. Although I could only find one person to hang out with myself. There are friends of mine that I consider to be quite dear to me, but I never see anymore. I don't know what I ought to do about it, but I'm trying to figure it out. I have another friend whom I hesitate to call a friend. She only occasionally acts friendly with me. She tells me that it's mostly because she's moody and that's why she doesn't seem as genial at times. I can't shake the feeling, though, that if I were actually a friend of hers, she'd treat me better even when she's out of sorts. Stress seems to be a common denominator of problems I've had with people in my life as of late. It has no connection between them and me, but our relationship manifests the problems from other areas of their life. It seems that I've had a lot of people venting their problems at me by instigating problems. Fraternity is different. Although there are speed bumps in the series of relationships we have, there's still an underlying theme of fraternity. There remains this loyalty that doesn't waver, despite troubles that may come. Although there's this sense of loyalty, it seems like these relationships are less rewarding. Maybe it's just because they are all with men, and I'm not seeking the approval of and interaction with men., but women.

Ataraxy

No human will find their solace alone
Serenity comes from love and a friend
Peace by solitude never has been shown

The thoughts of loneliness will soon have flown
Walking with people all woe will transcend
No human will find their solace alone

The solution is one you've always known
Your pain, and this solution will now end
Peace by solitude never has been shown

Hope cannot be created by cologne
Friendship is like a garden that we tend
No human will find their solace alone

Isolation unseats us from our throne
Friendship is more than just letters to send
Peace by solitude never has been shown

You are more than just what that which you own
And your meaning lasts longer than a trend
No human will find their solace alone
Peace by solitude never has been shown

Laundry

If I didn't wash
I would have no clothes to wear
Nakedness is bad

Feh

It annoys me when people don't have their cell phones on them. It annoys me when I try to get a hold of people and my efforts aren't reciprocated. It annoys me when people make snippy remarks. It annoys me when I can't do what I want to do. Oh well, time to move on, it doesn't work to fixate on it, I just gotta move on and stop thinking so hard about it.

Weight

The weight upon my shoulders
Weighs heavy on my mind
The files I put in folders
Often get left behind
I don't know when I'll get free
Nor when the nightmare will end
But I do know that I'll see
The wounds begin to mend

Life is pain, they tell me
All you do is pay the fee
You learn in a year
What it is you fear
But not how to escape
Just how to overload your plate
You tire and whine
But you'll do just fine
As long as you keep your head above water

On Music

While waiting for my corn dog to finish cooking, I figured I'd jot down a few thoughts about music. First, there are few things that compare to music. In fact, this is the first problem, music is not a thing. What is music? What constitutes the emotional existence that occurs with the creation and enjoyment of music? How can we define simply the effect of the act of making music? It has been purported that we call the full experience of making music, listening to it, watching it, etc. should be known as "musicking." This would be an apt name for the total action and experience, but although it now has a name, we are no closer to any firm definition of just what music is. Music can be used as a tool, or it can be the most profoundly moving aspect of one's daily life. The act of making music must be among the highest virtues possible for a human being. However, it does not always live up to it's potential. People cannot always actualize their potential any more in the area of music than in any other area. It takes a special skill to fulfill the possibilities promised to any one person, and a certain set of circumstances to achieve this most divine state. However, we can glimpse this acme of human experience occasionally, just not consistently. It's these glimpses that give us reason to practice, and to persevere past the frustration, the lack of time. It's these glimpses that fuel the obsession.

A Musing

How often I wonder when I will find peace within my own skin. There always seems to be something bothering me when idle. My only refuge comes from such a state of agitation as that an internal dialog is impossible. Do I just have a naturally conflicted state of mind? Am I one of the unfortunate multitude afflicted with a chemical imbalance in my brain that causes states of mental flux to pervade my existence? Were that to be the case I'm sure I'm too proud and steadfast to seek any significant help, choosing instead to convince myself of my own strength and ability to overcome any mental obstacle despite large amounts of trouble on the subject. I know I'm not the only one that would have such a problem, as others I know would be just as inflexible on the subject of gaining assistance from an outside source. Perhaps further musings will be more amusing, to pound home the point of the pun in the title, in case you were unaware of my intentions and affinity for puns. I'll try not to make it a habit, but as this location is primarily a self-serving blog, for my own reflection and mental health, I shall revel in my own lack of wit and occasional bursts of humor and veracity within my jumbled thoughts.